How does life just get away from us so easily? It's crazy how one minute your babies are learning to crawl, talk and feed themselves, and then you've got one about to be a senior and one going to be a freshman in high school! I don't know how this happened. I've been robbed of time! I prayed for years to be a mom, that's literally all I wanted in life. Now they're fixing to not need me so much and I'm not ok with that. I know they'll always need something, but it's not like when they're staring up at you from the crib with that big toothless grin, waiting for you to pick them up. It's helping them get their license or helping them with homework you have no idea how to do; but you try because in that moment, you need to be sitting across from them trying to act like you know what you're doing, just so they can need you. You needed that moment more than they know. It's needing to give them a bit more freedom whether you want to or not. It's letting them get a job and figure that stuff out. It's the dicision making you can't completely a part of.
Don't get me wrong, I love seeing them all grown and doing things for themselves, but I miss not being needed as much, as do most mothers. Last night my daughter was going to the gym with a friend and asked me to go. I was having a pity party for one and said nope, even though I was dressed for the gym. When I changed my mind she was beaming, it's the small things. I love the times my son comes to say good night, I always get a hug (still at 14). I know we are raising humans that will at some point function in society, no matter how broken it is, so I have to remember they're gonna be adults sooner than later. Isn't that wild, to think of our babies as adults? I know our parents thought the exact same way, it's just a vicious cycle of the generations. My daughter will be a legal adult in a year and a month! I feel like I've missed so much but seen so much at the same time. The memories are fading which absolutely kills me. Thank God I have a zillion photos, because ultimately that's what's left when we can't remember everything.
I try to think back to when I was this age, this almost adult age, it was so long ago. The song "Don't blink" ~ Kenny Chesney, comes to mind. I feel like I blinked as a 17 year old grad and now I'm....well older than 17. Robbed, I tell you, robbed of time! What were you doing as a 17 year old? Such different times, my kids are definitely not doing what we were doing, how do I know you ask, because they are always hanging out with us and our famfriends, literally and they enjoy it! I know what you're thinking... but we actually do know what they're doing most of the time (life 360 is my bestie, so I know where they are), they love hanging out with our famfriends. If you don't have famfriends, get you some!
Our famfriends (saw this in a book and fell in love with the word) are the people that will love your babies almost as much as you, they'll be there for them in the time you can't be! They are the people your kids know they can turn to, because they think and protect most like you. These are the people you trust with your most prized. They are your friends but way more than just that, we have gotten lucky in the department. Our kids have 2 biological parents and a "village" behind them! These people are always there and you know you can always rely on them. They'll be there for you and your kids in a second without thinking twice. I used to be super scared letting the kids go but knowing that we have these people behind us, I know for sure they're taken care of. They're the adopted dads and moms to our babies and we would do the same for their babies. It has taken a while for certain family to understand this concept but I think they get it, and if they don't, I'm sorry. Growing up I had family always there. My kids have more and we are blessed beyond measure with them.
It took me a while, actually still trying to accept it, that I can't do everything for them! Our village and our family have been our saving grace at times! Am I jealous that they got to do what I should've been able to do, hell yeah I am, but I have to let that go. I'm still working on that part. When I started in the medical field, I didn't realize how much family time I'd be giving up and that was the hardest part! When I would miss a teacher meeting, or a game, I felt crushed. There was always someone there to cheer them on or stand in my place but that's just it, it was my place. That was and still is hard to swallow, but at least they had someone there. While we do our best to always be there for them, it's impossible with two working parents, to be everywhere.
Time just slips away, you do not get that back! So relish in all of the memories, learn from the mistakes because there's no time to keep making the same ones. I still can't believe that at this moment next year, we will be getting ready for our baby girl to end her high school life and walk that stage into the next phase of her life, our baby boy will be getting closer to his next phase as well. This next year will be flying by I'm sure of it. I will relish the hugs and the sweet moments we spend together, because those moments will be fewer and fewer....
Life as I know it....just gets away from us!
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