day 6 of the 10 day YOU challenge

day 6 is comprised of places I would love to visit

 

one

I'd love to go to Italy, to eat real italian food and see the landscape

 

two

Austrailia is another place I would love to be, only on the beach by that beautiful ocean

 

three

hawaii !  I think that's a given, it's gorgeous (most parts)

 

four

I visited Maine 13 years ago but I would love to go back, it's so pretty ! 

 

five

Paris, France, seriously I think anyone knows why this is  a desire.  coffee shops, eiffel tower, amore !

 

 

six

DisneyWorld with my kids !

10 DAY "YOU" CHALLENGE, DAY 7

7 WANTS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER AT ALL:

 

one

 i want to finish school & begin my dream job in medicine as a surgical technician, assisting doctors in surgeries !

 

two

  i want my babies to be loved by all, successful, healthy, sublimly happy

 

three

 i want a bigger house on a beautiful piece of land with 4 bedrooms (1 for my guests) and 4-1/2 bathrooms (so we all have our own bathrooms & the guests too, with a 1/2 bath in my mudd room), a large open living room, kitchen, dining room (for entertaining & so everyone is together), a mudd / laundry room for our dirty shoes to stay in, a large backyard & deck with a pool and entertaining area equipped with a covered backyard kitchen and bbq area so everyone that comes over is occupied and having fun. beautifully decorated with plants and flowers & trees for some more shade

 

four

  i want to be able to live comfortably, without the struggle and stress of trying to "figure it all out"and enough money at the end of the month, not too much month at the end of the money.

 

five

  i want to live a long, fun, happy, healthy life

 

six

  i want to travel , travel, travel & be able to affordably enojoy it

 

seven

 i want to be able to shop shop shop and never have a limit (yeah this one is unattainable unless i win the lottery, which is another thing i want)

10 secrets, 9 loves, 8 fears

a challenge from my sister in law

10 secrets in no particular order:

1.  I secretly wanna write a novel ( a really good one)
2.  I sneak an extra cookie or 2 every once in a while after they have just come out of the oven
3.  I feel guilty if I indulge to much in yummy food, straight to the gut and hips I tell ya
4.  I like my steak to be a lil red in the middle (guess it's the Hoelscher curse, lol)
5.  I say hello to my Grandpa each and every time I pass the cemetery he's buried in (to myself)
6.  I would love to open a coffe house / bakery / boutique all in one
7.  I put on a concert in my car with the radio blaring and of course only if no one is in there
8.  Sometimes I wish I could have one more baby but that's just not possible without adoption or surrogacy which can be expensive
9.   Wanna live by the ocean on an exotic island
10.  Want to move my lil family from CC but secretly am terrified of leaving the rest of  my family here because I wouldn't have help with the kids and no quiet time


9 loves

1. good music(what I think is good, not particularly what everyone else thinks is good)
2. My lil family !
3. vanilla coke
4. Italian and seafood
5. fattening junk food
6. a good workout when I have the energy
7. a good hug
8. LIFE
9. money

8 fears

1. that my children will be left without their mother or father
2. that I will lose one of my children to anything
3. I'll never accomplish my dreams of working in the hospital
4. my childrens' first heartbreak ( and any other ones after that)
5. my children being hurt in any way at all
6. not losing weight
7. being thought of as a bad person (selfish, petty, vain, stuck up)
8. fear itself !

Kylie's first day of 2nd grade

bring on the water works...Um grab a tissue

 

Today my baby girl has taken yet another step towards growin up, she is now a 2nd grader.  I didn't shed a tear this morning surprisingly, I think I was too busy getting everyone where they needed to be and me getting to work close enough to on time as possible.  Yet again I'm moving to fast to stop and enjoy the few moments I have with my kids. Kylie tries to be super strong for me and I know today she wanted to cry but she didn't , she sucked it up and took on the day. I hated leaving her but couldn't let her know that. If I didn't have to take Maverick to school too, at another school, I would've lingered with her for a few minutes and helped her adjust more.  I guess I just expect her to be more grown up because she's a girl.  Sometimes I don't let her act like a kid, I grew up so fast so I expect her to do the same thing. 

To My daughter, my mini me, it breaks my heart to drop you off at school, a new teacher and new classmates ( days like this, I miss Miss Power). I know you were so scared but chose to deal with that fear head on like such a big girl.  I visited during lunch and you were so happy to have had a great morning and that I can actually have lunch with you, every day if you wanted.  I can't belive you are in 2nd grade already and 7 years old.  It seems like yesterday I was praying God would grace us with a baby, healthy and happy.  Here you are so grown up and beautiful!  I am such a proud mommy.  You amaze me daily and I am so blessed to have such an amazing baby girl (you'll always be my baby girl).  I love you baby girl, keep your head up and you'll make it through the days. 

P.S. I can't wait to see you dance again, dance starts next week

To my rugged lil boy, a mini daddy.  I know you are so scared still when I have to leave you at school and I'm so sorry but you do have to go.  Daddy tells me you're a boy so I shouldn't baby you, but tough luck daddy, I will baby you till you push me away and even then it'll annoy you.  I love you with all of my heart and am so proud of you.  You are learning so much even though you won't admit it.  I know you are in great hands this year with Mrs. Wolf, she's an amazing person so I know in my heart she takes care of you.  I know you love school, I can see it on your face when you talk about it, but you won't actually say it cause you're a boy and boys have to sound tough.  It kills me when you cling to my leg and tell me you don't want me to go everyday, but I fight back the tears, cause believe me I do wanna cry and hold you and stay all day, but I have to hand you over to school for those few hours.  Every mommy goes through it and every child as well.  I wish you could just magically learn it all and not have to go to school but your lil brain needs to learn it all in steps.  I love you more than you'll ever know!

P.S. I'll see you after nap, everyday!

 

LIFE AS I KNOW IT IS...FULL OF FIRSTS AND HARD DAYS, BUT WE'RE STRONG AND WILL MAKE IT THROUGH.....I LOVE YOU KIDDOS!

 

Grandpa

10 years ago today we were planning on bringing you a bunch of balloons and a cake for your birthday. I remember sitting there in your hospital room with aunt Valerie and we were plotting this big party (of course it'd be big look at our family) and were pretty excited about it. We were so sure you were listening and not liking it at all but that's just how we were, go big or go home! Then we all went home with our jobs for the next day, who was bringing what. After midnight I got the horrible, most devastating news ever, that god finally took you back. My life had changed with that one phone call. The next few days were a blur and I was very upset as no one in the family would let me help with or do anything in any kind of planning. See they saw me as just another grandkid and that's it. No body knew exactly what you were to me. I didn't just lose a grand father, I lost the one constant as a father figure in my life. You were the one helping me with my homework daily (math lessons on the kitchen cabinet still is one of my best homework memories), you were the one who talked to me like a father should, you were the one teaching me life lessons and disciplining me like a father should. You were the one giving me big hugs everyday. You were the one dancin with me on Saturday mornings to polka. You made it to my high school graduation and every queens contest and helped me with livestock show each year along with mom. I cherish every second of time I had with you. I hate that you couldn't be there when I walked down the isle and I so wish you were here today for your great grandchildren that ask about you pretty often. We have pictures of you and take them to your headstone. I'm sure you know this as you are with us even though we can't see you. When I need someone to help guide me or take care of me I always ask that you and god are there and I know you are. It's not fair that your great grandchildren don't get to spend their summers with you building things. It's not fair that they have to know you in pictures, that maverick can't shake your hand and you can't teach him the art of woodwork. It's not fair that Kylie can't dance with you because as I'm sure you know that girl loves to dance and twirl. They would love you as much as I do I know it. There's not a day that goes by that you aren't on my mind. You're in my heart always. I'm saddened cause my kids do not get to experience the love of a grandfather like I did. But I am at peace knowing you are looking over them and protecting them. Be their conscience and help them to make good decisions as they get older. Tonight we will all go to church and celebrate your life without you physically there but I know you will be there in spirit sitting next to your beautiful wife, smiling upon all of us there. I love you and miss you everyday.

lovin' some sand and sun....

the beach is where kylie and i were yesterday ... it was truly relaxing and just what i needed! there was no seaweed like usual, the water wasn't freezing, the waves were beautiful and the abundance of surfers enjoying those waves was magnificant... the headache that decided to pop up was very unwelcomed and sadly ruined the rest of the day for me, but the time i got to spend with my daughter playin in the waves was absolutely wonderful...i can't wait till i can do that more often (days off)...i love looking out over the ocean and knowing there is so much out there to discover, it totally amazes me...we don't go to the beach often enough but when we do it's so freeing and exhilarating....

where oh where .....

the fog my brain won't get out of

ever feel as if your brain has gone on vacay ? i have felt this way for a few months now and i'm so over it already. you momma's know what i'm talking about, the "pregnancy fog" that every non momma believes does NOT exsist, they say it's just an excuse (just wait they'll get it soon enough), well yes it sure does and apparently the more pregnancies you have the more likely it is to NOT lift...

 i used to be so organized (to my standards anyway) and had it all together. lately i feel like i don't ever know what day it is and forget about planning stuff. people would come to me to help plan things, ask my advice etc. ..ha that has long been forgotten . my list's don't get done simply cause i do not make them anymore. my thoughts have left the head! i mentioned a day ago in my blog that all my thoughts and ideas are jumbled up in my head, well yeah they are cause i forget them or they get stored to far in the back that they are closed. this fog that won't lift pulls me into a deep "ugh" feeling ( my infamous ugh, is not a wonderful place), the feeling of a funk coming on, washing me out to the rest of civilization, the mood swing no one wants to receive. i do not like feeling this way and try to pull out of it. use to i could just push it aside and pre occupy myself with something but that doesn't happen anymore. i feel so useless and helpless. we don't talk about this feeling, but refer to it as just that. 

there are so many things i would love to do but they don't get done or started. that doesn't make me too chipper. i've read all of these blogs of how people are so happy and creative, I WANT THAT. i wanna feel like i can create things with no avail. i want a good challenge, yes that's what i need a good challenge to get my mind pulling my ideas out of the filing cabinet. to get my mind juices flowin. it doesn't matter what the idea is it needs to be executed,,,,,,now !

a moment of clarity needs to come to me ! (soon)

the clarity i need

 

the holidays are coming, the holidays are coming....

i can't believe that it's the middle of august and i'm so ready for the holidays to be here.

i think it's becuase i'm done with this scorching heat and want the coolness here, now! as i was sitting down at my desk this morning on of my favorite (to look at) magazines was laying there, staring at me.  ABC Distributing, i never buy anything from them but love to look and write down everything i want from it.  they always have cutesy stuff that i would really never put in my house but just like to dream. then it hit me, more so now, that the holidays will literally be here sooner than later.  it's that part of the year that just hauls ass , like a roller coaster that takes forever (or it seems that way) to get up that incline (January - JUly) then once it hits that just about over the hill spot (august), it takes a mad dash down the hill (September - December), then it's all over.  you spend the year preparing for it all and then it's over.  i can't wait though, every year it is so exciting to look at ideas for decorations for halloween - christmas.  there are so many crafty ideas swimming in my head, things are getting jumbled in there. i refuse to buy many things this year (as i say every year) because I WILL make more and enjoy making it all. after all isn't it "the thought that counts...." I think if i spend time making something for someone it is better appreciated knowing it came from the heart and hands rather than the rack / shelf of some stupid mass produced store. i want my kids to learn that "the thought" that is put into something far outweighs the time it took to pick it out of a store, in which the person could potentially end up with 3 others of the same thing............. 

Maverick started pre-k4