Struggles

It seems now a days all I do is struggle....
  Struggle with myself, leaving my kids, going back to my job, weight, self worth.  I'm a mom and as a mom not being around my kids is absolute agony. I don't even mind when they're driving me bat crazy because those babies are my miracles. I already have anxiety of them being on their own, I stress out all day after I leave them in the morning just terrified something will happen from the time they're dropped off till the time they're back in my care. I know that's just a mom thing but I seriously agonize over it.  They are my miracles and I can't even stand the thought of something happening. It takes a lot of courage for me to not be around them.
   My weight has always been a struggle for me on a daily basis. As an ex anorexic everyday is hard for me. I love food and it is still hard for me to keep it all healthy. I splurge because if I don't I will go insane. I do not look great in my eyes and I guess I never will. It is hard for me to "like what I see".
  My job is a huge stress factor for me. I thought it was my dream but all in all I can't even understand what I was thinking. I am literally depressed knowing that after I'm off medical leave I'm going back to that job. It should be more amazing to me that I'm helping people and even saving their lives, but the people I work with suck and make it way rough to adapt. The schedule is another thing for me that's hard.  I've never worked long ass days or been on call with the idea of actually having to go into work when no one else is there scares me. I can't do this on my own and I will screw up. I can't accept the fact I will mess up always.
  I try to accept me, not easy. I mess up daily, I struggle with everything. I have big dreams that wont come true and others that scare me. I have lost friends and sketchy friendships which makes me doubt me a lot more. I try to just live day by day. I know the only wonderfully great a d amazing thing in my life are my miracle babies!