So you know that part in Sex & the City 2 where Miranda and Charolette are in Aubudabi and are talking about being parents, taking a drink everytime they spill about something real about it ? Yeah so now I'm gonna be real and if you take it harshly I"m sorry but I'm sure at some point in your time as a parent the thought crossed your mind cause you're human, right ?....
For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a mommy ! I was in love with the thought of having my own lil baby to take care and be in awe over ,but when I think about it I didn't get passed the awe part of it, you know the real down and dirty parts, the parts that make parenthood the HARDEST JOB ON EARTH !
Let me stress this first, I love my kids more than life and will always put them first and do whatever I possibly can for them !
Now onto the reality of being a mommy ! it all starts with devoting your entire life and body to them from the beginning. With both our kids it took a while to get preggo. With K it took a few months and I was about to get on inferitility help when I discovered I was with child. My hubby had been on an offroad trip the weekend I took the dreaded at home test. I didn't think I was so I didn't pay any mind to it for a few minutes, when I did finally remember I peed on a stick I looked and it was "+" and I was elated. My best friend was the first to know as she saw it laid out that night. When the hubby finally found out he was not a bit excited, which I chock up to him being a man and realizing that his "fun guy days" were over. The birth of our first child was perfect, 5 hours of labor , 4 of which I was crashed out from IV meds, then the pushing was a cinch, 20 mins and she was here, June 22, 05. She was perfect, 10 toes, 10 fingers and beautiful ! She slept, ate and made life with a baby simple. OF COURSE I'D WANT ANOTHER ONE RIGHT AWAY ! we tried again for another perfect baby when K was almost a year old, we wanted them close together so they'd be each other's bestie...well little did we know our next one would be the most trying lil booger ever. We tried for 6 months before being put on chlomid, which I was on for 6 more months. Every month was a let down as I peed on that god awful stick. till the day in February 2007 that it came up with 2 lines instead of just 1. Then all hell would break lose. I was sick as a dog, but never puked, at 19 weeks I began having contractions, my fave OB /GYN left for another job and I was passed around till I found a great dr. then at 22 weeks I was put on moderate bed rest "work part time and stay off your feet as much as possible" were my orders. At 24 weeks I was put on full bed rest cause the contrx were not letting up, I was diagnosed with Premature Labor and put on meds that put me into a life of sleep for the next 10 weeks. I was not allowed to do anything but as a mother you know that's impossible. I did a few things between naps during the day. At 34-1/2 weeks I was taken off bedrest cause we'd gotten past the really worrisome part. My contrx didn't let up but I had stuff to get done in such a little bit of time. I was told at 35 weeks to watch out for high bp symptoms: light headedness, swelling, headaches etc. well it wasn't too long before all of those were affecting me. at 36 weeks 6 days, I went into the er with a bp of 146/90 and they admitted me. Granted that's nothing compared to the bp I had with the surrogacy I just went through but it was high enough to get them worried. So they started the pit @ 9ish that morning October 31, 07 and got labor going. at the time of admittance I was only 1cm dilated and had to get to a 3 before I could get any real relief via epidural. So for the next 24 hours I'd only get to a 2 , I don't like iv drugs for labor cause it makes me super loopy so I opted for NO DRUGS ! after about 25 hours of laboring with no drugs and only at a 2 still they decided to let me have the epidural to help me out. I knew once I got the epidural labor would be over quickly and I'd be pushing soon. I was right because an hour later I was pushing and only did so for 15 minutes. After 26 hours of labor, 15 minutes of pushing, November 1, 07, we had our precious son Maverick ! he was definately NOT like his sister, colic from 2-1/2 weeks till 5-1/2 months, like clock work from midnight till 5:30 every single day I was up with a screaming baby with no relief. Cried for no reason, couldn't usually put him down. Now that you know a lil bit of the beginning let's........
FAST FORWARD TO TODAY WHICH IS WHY I'M WRITING THIS:
Like I said I love my kids so much I can't imagine them not in my life but enough is enough ! My very smart and talented daughter Kylie is only 6 but I swear she thinks she's living on her own and making her own decisions. Almost once a week she tells me how she wishes she lived in her own house and had her own stuff and I wasn't there to tell her to clean her room, which is usually how she gets on the subject. I tell her well if you have your own house then I won't be there to clean and cook for you ! At her school they wear uniforms, I thank my lucky stars for this cause it's set in stone, you wear what the school says whether you like it or not, HA well we've been fighting this week every morning cause of the fact she has to wear a uniform, oh well ! She's not even a teen yet and she has the attitude, I DREAD THE TEEN YEARS MORE NOW ! I love her to death but I miss my sanity too...She has drained me of my patience for sure. I got her into dancing and she is soo good at it, I mean she can memorize all kinds of dances perfectly and she made "company" and if you've seen dance movies you know that is a very high honor. I cried when her teacher told me this. She makes such an impact on others, friends, her teachers etc. I just wonder why she can't be the sweet innocent child at home that she seems to be at school..I"m pretty sure her devil horns come out when she leaves school / dance / others houses and comes home. She is however just like ME when I was growing up. I remember the faces I'd make and I can see her make the same ones.
Now for my son, problem child from before conception. We had no name for him till the night before he was born, we played around with many names,more so than we did with K, but we ultimately decided on Maverick ! How fitting this name was for him. It meant "WILD" and yes he is ! We will for sure have problems with this one, we'll know what the inside of the principle's office looks like (probably memorize it), we may even have the principle on speed dial at some point. He's already had us in the er and the dr's office way more than K ever did. He has stuck his fingers in the belt sander, which was our er trip and surgery. He throws fits for nothing, whines like there's no tomorrow and can be sweet all in a 5 minute period. We put him in school early cause he needs it, structure and discipline !
This JOB as many parents call it is the hardest one on earth. I couldn't imagine my life without them but I cherish every break I get. My mornings are horrible and it all starts with their unwillingness to cooperate and stop whinning. then I haul ass to drop them off at school, crank up the tunes in the car and pretend I'm back 6 years ago when I was childless. I can't wait to go to work daily even if it's not my dream job. Which has ultimately been put on the farthest back burner there is. I can't finish school right now, theres no time or money because I'M LIVING MY DREAM OF HAVING CHILDREN ! Sometimes I take an extra few minutes in the shower to cry my eyes out , sometimes I lock myself in my room to get away from the craziness of kids. Don't tell me I'm a bad mom for this either because I'm sure you've done this unless you're an alien and have a control that makes you like the constant crying and whinning of children. For years I thought if I "get away " from my kids then I'm a bad mom, I should spend all of my time with them, after all they are what I wanted ! RIGHT, RIGHT ? ha that's too stressful, I usually welcome chaos, because without it life would be so boring, but here lately I'd love to have some calm to enter my life (immediately, like now)...I used to look at those loud , whiney kids in a restuarant or shopping and think "my god, my kids will never act like that, why can't those parent control their kids", HA I totally get it ! My kids are THOSE KIDS ! Now my hubby and I look at eachother when they are acting up and say "Oh well". I've even actually said out loud (very loud) to other fellow eaters "if you wanted a quiet dinner you shoulda stayed home ", well I thought it was funny. I have taken up the saying " I need a drink" very often, of course I can't take more than one drink since I"m a mom and have to go home and take care of these kids that drvie me insane. I envy those mom's that can just give their child " the look " and the horrid behavior comes to a halt, I on the other hand am a yeller and believe in spanking. that's how I was raised and I'm just fine. If you are the mom that talk to your kids in a calm voice and they actually shut up and listen then I appluade you ! I've tried that and time out, taking away something, not letting them do something etc... doesn't always work ! I know my limits and love my kids so cps is not needed....BOY HAVE TIMES CHANGED !
If you haven't thought any of this at all, EVER, then wow you're super mom, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one !
So LIFE AS I KNOW IT IS AND WILL ALWAYS KNOW IT IS......STRESSED AND CHAOTIC CAUSE I'M A MOM AND I'M RIGHT WHERE I WANTED TO BE WHEN I STARTED THIS ENDEAVOR CALLED PARENTHOOD !
RIGHT ?
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